Daddy on my Mind….

Daddy passed on May 14, 2002 ~ seems so long ago most days, and like yesterday on others. Today’s been one of those *like yesterday* days.

Very, very few details do I remember after his passing. I remember coming home and ME & K being there — my best friends since pre-K. I remember friends from Raleigh coming to the visitation and funeral; taking over our 3 bedroom house and carrying me and Sissy when we couldn’t do it on our own.

One of the very tiny details I remember of the funeral was a local group singing in a distinct mountain twang *Go Rest High on the Mountain ~ Vince Gill*. Completely appropriate for the quaint graveyard at our home church with nothing but mountain vistas around.

Fast forward to today ~ driving home from the office, the song comes on, I’m on the phone and can’t change channels. The wave of emotion that came over me is indescribable. Just the few strains of the song and I’m right back there, 9 years ago. Pain so raw and so real it’s almost tangible.

Also, we’ve got this tradition back home of *Decoration*. It’s where all the families come back, clean and place flowers on all the graves and celebrate with family and friends the lives of those already passed. It’s always held the first weekend in August and 90% of the people who mean the most to me who are gone are buried there. In addition to Daddy are his parents; my great-grandparents on both sides of the family; the great-aunt and uncle who practically raised me; the man from church who always gave us a silver dollar that was from sometime in the early 1900s every year; and tons of other various family and community members who made me ME. People who encouraged me, supported me, and loved the dickens outta’ me.

So, tonight I’ve made the saddle arrangement for this year. I’ve spent the night between fighting tears and giving in to them. I’m glad K-dawg is having boy time tonight. Me, my heart and my memories needed some time to grieve. And, love him to pieces, but he doesn’t understand.

So – here’s this year’s arrangement, made with love. White roses for remembrance, baby blue ribbon for the little boy who’s going to grow up without a grandpa to fish with, learn from, and all the other things grandpas are good for.

Daddy, I miss you.

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